Sunday, February 25, 2007

A bond

Taking a clean white washcloth, running it under the warm water and wringing it out, she washes his face with great care. careful to not press too hard. Removing a few days worth of sweat, drool and I am sure perhaps a few hidden tears. I see this happening just a few feet from me. Yet I am perplexed at what my heart tells me. I think I am seeing her as a hero right now. She has taken care of him for many years. A decision we have both taken a part in, but she has the lead. Her piety is amazing. You can look into her eyes and see the fear. When we embrace, I can feel the trepidation. Her fear of what the future holds has taken hold in her mind. She feels the pain. His pain. But it is another pain. A different kind of discomfort.

There is nothing like a bond between a mother and a child. A man will never understand nor achieve that level of a bond.

Yet the relationship of a father and his daughter is something that stories should be told. Movies could be made and songs have been written. I can relate to that bond. I can understand from the point of a father. I can only hope, that we have placed into our children, the desire and the ability to care for another human being with the level of love, care and compassion that I have been witnessing in these past several days.

There is an unfortunate contradiction that has my emotions in a struggle between my heart and my mind where logic is the casualty. I believe I am jealous. There are pangs of hurt seeing her care for another man like this. Regardless of the man. Yet, I was ready to offer my own liver to save his life. It appears that I wanted to be the hero in the eyes of my bride. Yet, now, I have slid off to the shadows. My role no less significant. But not quite front least within the recesses of my emotions.

I have now been able to actually perform the role that I have desired so much. To take care of my children on a daily basis. I put them to bed, and get them up, prepare their breakfast and get them off to school. At night, we discuss their day and ensure they know that I care about their future.

Not much different than my wife and her own.......father.

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